Singles Workshop

by Karen Wasserman, Co-president of the Long Island APC Chapter and  Speaker at the conference on Single Parenting

This workshop offered attendees, who are in all stages of the adoption process, the opportunity to hear and share thoughts about the challenges and advantages of parenting as a single.  This animated. and open group, spoke about a wide range of issues including: discipline, juggling career and family, loneliness, finances, "me" time, dating, friendships, daycare as well as the process of adopting as a single.

The need for support in every stage of adoption has been a compelling issue.  While some people have family as their support network, others have friends and acquaintances who becomes their sounding board, helpers, advisors etc.   Sometimes, the opportunity to share experiences can mean everything to a single parent.  The first word, first step, first tantrum generate a lot of emotion and since there is no other parent there to share the joy or frustration, single parents need to have "someone to talk to,  Of major concern is illness of the single parent and the need to plan for and document how the child will be cared for and financially supported.

The in-person positive exchange of ideas and concerns proved again the absolute need for networking and sharing thoughts and feelings.  Some members even exchanged e-mails and phone numbers and in fact, the leader, opened a new relationship with a single Mom of a child of about the same age as the speakers'.  The need for singles to meet and speak with others was evident through the excitement generated by the attendees.

On the surface adoption is an incredibly simple concept. According to Wikipedia, Adoption is, “a process whereby a person assumes the parenting for another and, in so doing, permanently transfers all rights and responsibilities from the original parent or parents” (Wikipedia, 2011). However, the actual process of adoption and the recent political debates involving ‘non-traditional’ adoption have created a much more complex situation.

Many may typically think of family as meaning a man and a woman raising their child or children. However, this notion of what it means to be a family has been changing drastically over the past several decades, and rightfully so. What makes a family? Is it the sex of the parents? The number of parents? The number of children? A family is what you make of it. A single man or woman raising a single child is still a family because family is that special bond that develops over time. Some of the best examples of this are the families created through adoption.

There are many examples of what some have called ‘non-traditional’ families and many of those emerge from the adoption process. For instance, open adoption, closed adoption, LGBT adoption, and so on.

Open adoption refers to the sharing of information about both the adoptive and the birth parents. Each open adoption case can differ based on the type of relationship the birth and adoptive parents have agreed upon. In some cases, the birth parents and the adoptive family get to know each other and have ongoing communication about the child. In some situations, if the parents on both sides agree, the adoptive parents may even be allowed to be present for the delivery of the child. It also can mean having contact between the adoptive parents, the birth parents, and the child, before and/or after the placement of the child, and perhaps ongoing throughout the child’s life.

Closed Adoption is the complete opposite of an open adoption. In other words, the birth family and the adoptive family do not exchange any information with one another. In such instances the parties involved do not communicate with each other, either before or after the placement of the child, besides health and other necessary background information about the child. In closed adoption cases the adoption files are sealed after the adoption, and more often than not are never made available to the adopted child. Closed adoption happens to be the most traditional type of adoption that is still favored today.

Adoption among the LGBT community is rising, which is a wonderful thing. For those who are not familiar, LGBT adoption is the adoption of children by an individual in the lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender communities. LGBT adoption is sometimes considered a political issue often because bigoted individuals do not want to see families that do not fit the ‘traditional’ example of a family. Those who oppose LGBT adoption seem to forget what an amazingly selfless thing adoption can be, and that so many orphans can find homes, and more importantly families with deserving parents, regardless of their sexual orientation.